James Clear in his book Atomic Habits said that our actions reveal how bad we want something. I realised that my motivation to regularly write in this blog might not be strong enough since it has been almost 4 months since my last post. I have hundreds of brain dumps to write and countless inner chatter in my head; however, sometimes it feels very challenging to face my thoughts and feelings and it takes so much courage to write them down in this blog. I know avoiding them — instead of dissecting and solving them one by one (if needed) — will be detrimental to my mental health. So this is me, trying to do journaling again. Apart from cataloguing my life updates, I also want to get used to writing in English.
There were not many updates from the last quarter of 2024. However, there were at least 2 highlights: I passed the LPDP scholarship on 7 November 2024 and went to Geneva for the second time on 18-24 November 2024. Getting the LPDP scholarship might sound like a big achievement, but honestly, the euphoria only felt for 2-3 days. After that I kept on questioning myself on my competencies, I was afraid getting the LPDP was merely a stroke of luck. This is the thing about being people with insecurities, no matter how many people validate my skills and competencies, I always feel that I'm not good enough. Then, my second highlight was going to Switzerland to attend the meeting of the WHO Member States Mechanism on Substandard and Falsified Medical Products. I was connected with many new people during the meeting, including Rutendo himself (ISF team lead). That business trip even validated my choice of taking a master's in public health. Lastly, I was connected to some people like Bu Lucky S Slamet, Pak Roy S. Sparringa, bu Togi, and Bu Ratna. They're people I've looked up to, all this time.
Moving to January 2025, I had my worst birthday. I cried almost all day reflecting on all the things I've been through. Almost everyone forgot my birthday, even my mom and Gautam; making 7th January 2025 worse than ever. I don't think I'll like that date again in the future (or I'll be happy on that day). The following day, I had a psychologist appointment; so it meant another crying session! On the brighter side, I read more books in January, or actually since December 2024. I've started reading fiction again, which saved me from my reading slump. I met Sofia who introduced me to Colleen Hoover and other writers. So far I've read 5 books. I hope my reading habit keeps going strong this year.
Today is 6 February 2025, and my latest update was I got a Letter of Acceptance from the University of Edinburgh. I'm still anxiously waiting for LSHTM's decision, though. I'm dying to get into LSHTM, so please God let me.
Hm. I think that's all. I'm not good at making closing statements. So, see you!
Cheers,
Neti
from Batik Building, 3rd floor
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