Growing up in a family that rarely appreciated my achievements openly, I developed a strong need for validation, something that still lingers until now. I recognise that the need for other's approval will be detrimental to some extent to my mental health; however, here I am: still experiencing butterflies in my stomach every time I get validation from other people. Yesterday I got the much-needed approval and I felt super happy I grinned at myself when no one was around. The validation came from Bu Togi and colleagues in my directorate, and let me crystalise that happiness in this post.
Bu Togi is one of the influential women in BPOM that I respect and have been looking up to. She was an ex-director and ex-acting Deputy for Drug Control. I adore her for her intelligence and sharp analytical skills. This past year I met Bu Togi in several meetings due to WHO Listed Authority or SF product's handling discussion. I am not sure when she first recognised me but here we are: we smile and greet each other or even have a conversation when we get the chance. The last time I talked to her before yesterday was last December, and she congratulated me for winning the LPDP scholarship. My need-for-validation soul was screaming in happiness, lol.
Yesterday we met in a medicine sampling workshop, and she asked how my study plan is going. I told her that the University of Edinburgh has given me a LoA. She instantly said that the University of Edinburgh is a top uni (which is no surprise, considering how well-known it is). However, when I said that I was waiting for LSHTM's decision, she said that LSHTM is a better university! Damn, it felt really good when I didn't need to explain what is LSHTM and where is it because not everyone is familiar with that university. Unexplainable happiness filled my heart.
The second validation came from my colleagues because of the presentation I delivered during a directorate event. I shared about winning a scholarship and some of my colleagues congratulated me and thanked me for the impactful presentation. For someone shy, introverted, and lacking confidence, those approvals meant a lot. I know there were so many to improve, but I was proud of myself. The approvals were given not only by text but also in person.
Those two moments of recognition reminded me of how far I've been through; that I am capable and seen. I understand that there are still many things to learn and improve, but for now, I will hold onto this happiness for a moment, because sometimes a little validation is all we need to keep going. Also, I hope I can be more of a help to my colleagues who want to pursue a scholarship in the future!
0 comments:
Posting Komentar