Social Media

I was having a conversation with my colleague when finally asked him why didn't he update his social media in this FOMO era. He answered shortly: It's more comfortable for me to do so.

He has Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter account but he said he only uses them in order to know recent social issues/public opinion. He only has a post on his IG account. His twitter's last update was on 2015, and his Facebook barely lives. His explanation surprises me because everyone is trying to get public attention on their social media, don't they?

I made my Instagram account last year, it was so late considering this platform started at 2010 and got rapid popularity afterwards. I often find myself being indecisive about uploading a new photo on my Instagram. Bunch of questions come to my mind: is this interesting to my followers? Would they think that I try to show off? Sometimes I don't give a f and go on with uploading new post thingy, most of the time I resist the urge to post everything on social media.

Conversation with my colleague reminds me about how important to stick on our values and what's important in our live.

Mindfulness

On other occasion, I asked my husband: how to stop hating (some) people? He said: See the context. In some occasion they may be annoying, but they can't be annoying all the time. 

He answered lightly but, for me, it's utterly hard to apply. The conversation continued but in the end of it I still couldn't figure how to stop hating some people. The following day I decided to re-read Mindfulness published by Harvard Business Review. I found that some chapters of this book help me understand of what my husband said.

Mindfulness is important because it constructs emotional agility. Knowing that some people personality doesn't fit us and accepting them are halfway to train our emotional agility. And I know I've reached this point. But more importantly, I have to act based on my values so I could be unhooked from the difficult thoughts/emotions. That's the hardest part. For me, being mindful is a lifetime learning, and I'm still far away from having that personal trait.

I have those days when I couldn't control my facial expression and my words burst into tears. I have those days when I'm feel tiny and insignificant, and it drains me emotionally. When those days come, I wish I would always remember to stop a while, take some deep breath, and focus on what I can do. I wish I always remember to examine my feeling with compassion, and not being too hard on myself.

Image: Freepik.com

Saya memulai mengetik unggahan ini seusai menulis beberapa target dan harapan tahun 2020 di buku yang baru dibeli dari Gramedia kemarin.

Januari 2019 rasanya baru beberapa minggu yang lalu. Saya belum sempat mengajukan proposal S2, belum sempat membaca Better than Before yang sudah dibeli dari entah kapan, belum berberes kamar dan melakukan decluttering, belum berani menyetir jauh, belum belajar banyak di kantor, tapi Januari 2020 telah datang. Kalau diingat-ingat, tidak banyak hal besar yang terjadi di hidup saya selama tahun 2019. Hidup berjalan seperti biasa. Sungguh sesuatu yang tak bisa terlalu dibanggakan mengingat kultur masa kini yang menuntut generasi saya untuk berfokus pada pengembangan diri, self-love, mengejar mimpi, dan seterusnya.

Saya sedikit banyak berharap tahun ini berbeda. Jika tahun 2019 bisa dibilang masa adaptasi, saya ingin tahun 2020 adalah masa saya untuk berlari. Target-target 2020 yang tadi pagi saya tuliskan di buku memang tidak jauh dari urusan pribadi dan keluarga, dan sekitarnya (sedikit), dan jika ditarik benang merah, seluruh targetan itu terhubung oleh satu hal yaitu kebutuhan menemukan kembali diri sendiri. Bagi saya, target hidup bukan tentang keinginan menjadi lebih baik dari orang lain (meskipun kalau dipikir-pikir perasaan itu ada juga), tetapi sudah menjadi kebutuhan dasar bagi keberadaan saya (saya tertawa dalam hati ketika mengetik ini, semoga saya tidak terdengar ambisius).

On a serious note, target tak ubahnya peta bagi saya. Saya sempat enggan menuliskan so-called-resolusi tahun 2020, tapi kemudian ingat bahwa tanpa target (peta) saya bisa kehilangan diri sendiri, dan itu rasanya sangat tidak menyenangkan. Mempertanyakan diri sendiri, insecure, dan merasa terancam setiap kali orang lain mencapai sesuatu. Tahun ini saya berusaha fokus pada diri sendiri, menjadi pemimpin bagi diri sendiri sehingga bisa disiplin dalam menjalankan komitmen yang sudah ditulis di awal tahun.

Kalaupun nantinya ada beberapa yang tidak terpenuhi, tidak apa-apa. Semoga tetap ada pelajaran yang bisa diambil.

Tangerang
03 Januari 2020
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